Anyone who knows me or has read any of my posts here knows the kind of stuff I like to discuss: issues that are, for the most part, either highly debatable or highly irrelevant.
But that’s not what I’m writing about today. I have had experiences in the past few months of my life that have shaped me profoundly and have caused me to look at my faith in new ways.
How Things Happened
On August 18, 2012, I married the love of my life (she still is by the way). As we settled into our new lives, things grew gradually worse at my job. Indeed, even before we were married I wondered whether I was going to be fired before the ceremony. In reality I kept working that job for about 7-8 months after the wedding.
It was the worst experience I have had in my life. Not only was I miserable because of the way I was treated at work, I also wondered if I was going to be fired at any moment. Suddenly, the one thing I had never been much concerned about came to the forefront of my mind: money.
I had read these verses many a time from Luke 12:
22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (NIV)
My response was always, “I know, I know….God provides.” I did not feel the weight of need because all the bare necessities had always been provided by my parents. It’s a lot different when you are on your own.
To complicate things, the fact that I hated my job so much made me want to quit it at the same time that I did not want to be fired. But what would that mean? Could I just quit my job and let God provide? That didn’t seem right.
I decided that I would just go until I could go no more. It is hard, though, to know when you really have reached your limit. When you quit something difficult, you always wonder, “Couldn’t I have gone just one more day?”
However, when the day came, both Marcella and I knew it. We knew it was time to quit that situation. I gave my three weeks notice. Why three? Because I needed to give at least two, but I didn’t want to cut myself short. I had nothing else lined up to take the place of that job. I was working on becoming a home inspector but had already failed the test two times. I knew, though, that I had done what I could. We really did believe the rest was in God’s hands. That was our only real comfort.
Then the fateful week came. It was my last week of work. I took my home inspector test for the third time on that Monday. I was sure I had failed, and the rest of that week was so difficult. I was leaving my job that Friday, and if indeed I did fail the test I would have to wait a month before I could take it again.
Friday came. I went through the final steps at my job and closed that chapter of my life for good. But the victory seemed hollow, because I didn’t know what to do. I was unemployed. But I was unemployed in God’s hands.
And He came through. No more than three hours after finishing that job, the test results came in the mail. I had passed! There was no way I could have timed that myself. He let me suffer the least amount of time I needed to at that job, and made us wait the least possible amount of time before getting another source of income.
There’s no way you can know what that was like for Marcella and I. Many other small things like that have happened throughout the process that have reinforced our trust in God that he will provide for our financial needs. It has established a stronghold in our minds that would be very difficult to destroy at this point. It is the only reason why now, as I sit at home waiting for the calls for home inspection requests that are not coming in, I am not overwhelmed with worry about what we are going to do. If only he would expand my faith to the other areas of my life!
I have come to see that this is the basic bread and water of Christianity: trusting God in every aspect of your life. And not just affirming it mentally (as I used to do in my parent’s house regarding those verses above). Yes, the most basic faith which you must hold in Christianity is trusting in Christ’s death on your behalf on the cross. But it seems almost silly to trust that God will pay for your sins but not help you with your rent.
Your faith must go beyond the mental affirmation. Of course, C.S. Lewis understood it best:
Now Faith, in the sense in which I am here using the word, is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. For moods will change, whatever view your reason takes. I know that by experience. Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable. This rebellion of your moods against your real self is going to come anyway. That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods “where they get off,” you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of Faith. (Mere Christianity, 125)
This post is not an attempt to make myself look so faithful, but to show you that those verses about God’s providence really are true. And that is all I mean to say: You can trust in His provision!